The FBI isn't like the military, and it's not like they fire people for not taking part in normative societal standards, but it's still considered bad for business if you *say* anything.
You were still, relatively speaking, a green agent when Adrien Bale blew up six FBI agents and killed Gideon's 'friend'. You didn't see him attempting CPR, you didn't see him when it happened. They say your mentor lost it that night. They say it was the stress of failure, the guilt of those six bodies. They never say what else Gideon might have lost.
You're sure that neither Hotch or Morgan are surprised that you know the meaning of "Gideon", but when you tell them both it means "mighty warrior", you mean it. You left the field to work at Quantico, because you thought at the time, maybe he could use someone that knew he could do it.
You get the fax in the middle of the night, because Hotch doesn't care if you're sleeping, he and his wife, being new parents, aren't, so you shouldn't be either.
The phone rings thirty eight seconds after the fax machine tone dies away; you know that Hotch is giving you time to check over the sheaf your fax machine is spitting out. You lay on you bed, and let it ring three times before sighing, reaching over your head to pick up the receiver.
"You never sleep through the fax machine," Hotch says to you.
If it were Morgan, you would suggest to him that you were just ignoring it; instead, you just say, "should I get dressed?"
It's mostly just keeping up conversation, a rhetorical question. "Gideon wants you to pack a bag."
You sit up, for that, and glance at the fax machine, pages waiting. "A bag? For how long?"
"At least a week." Hotch pauses, and you hear two clear breaths before he says, "You'll have a ride in ten minutes."
Maybe you know a lot of things about nearly everything, but there's something in Hotch's voice you don't know. Training only gets you so far, and then you're typically left with trying to figure out what Gideon would be doing.
"Who am I meeting there?" you ask Hotch. You might not know everything, but you know enough to know that this isn't another case.
"Gideon. He's at the airport."
The fact that you all aren't meeting at the airport means that either the rest of the team isn't going, or the rest of the team is being involved, probably already involved, somewhere else. Since you know, no matter what faith Hotch has in your ability to shoot, he wouldn't send two agents out on their own on a case, it means you and Gideon aren't going into the field.
And you passed your ballistics this time around.
"You're not letting him into the field on this one," you say. "You're not going to let him be an active part of the investigation."
Hotch gives you another pause, and this time you count three breaths. Some people might call your eididic memory autism, some might call it a certain kind of mild compulsion - remembering everything you learn. "The car will be there in ten minutes," Hotch says.
Morgan picks you and your duffle up, waits two beats before saying, "did you read it?" You don't answer.
"Gideon asked for you, you know," he tells you, and glances over. Morgan says, "that's the reason you're not coming."
"I know that," you reply. "You really think he can't do this?"
"He's not ready," Morgan tells you, defensively. "He's falling apart, you know that."
You don't answer.
The thing of it is, the reason you opted for a position at Quantico rather than continue with the BAU is how Gideon was at the unit the next day. No one would look at him, no one was willing to even get angry save Morgan, who did his yelling in private and then bottled it up.
No one would *say*. The respect, that blind faith that people used to have in Gideon was gone, disappated like so much wind. and he still just tried to work.
When Hotch said "go home," Gideon didn't even argue. That's when you decided. Whatever his history, it disappated just like everyone's respect.
Almost absently, you start writing notes while you're waiting for everyone else to show up. Not having anything but the case file to work off - and that has plenty in it, even if it's all just the basics - but instead you find yourself nothing the things about Hotch and Morgan, what they said, what's different this time.
When Gideon shows up, he's alone, which just gives you more fuel. You write that down, too.
"Ready to go, Reid?" he asks, as the props start up.
"Guess we're doing deep reconaissance, hey boss?"
You picked up the 'boss' thing at Quantico, along with the habit of writing anything confusing down. Gideon told you once that, when all else fails, record it. Probably Morgan would call it just as compulsive as remembering everything you learn.
Despite Hotch's status leading the BAU, he still had stories about joining the unit and having Gideon lead him.
"We're going to get it done," Gideon tells you.
"You wish you were going to interrogate him?" you blurt, almost before you can help yourself.
Gideon looks at you for a long moment, and asks, "do you?"